Friday, February 22, 2008

Sick kind of cute

I didn't know sick could be cute
but you proved me wrong
nose was whistling like you were singing a song
pressed so tightly, riding on the T
and when you coughed
I never once, baulked
It speaks to being lonely when you get the feeling
When you know this is the only time
Your shield starts peeling
It's gotta be that contact, gotta be that touch
Albeit a neutral one, it doesn't feel like such
When the train stops we clunk back together
and when it goes forward, our connection does sever
This back and forth, back and forth
feels cerebrally like sex
but, don't worry, on the train I didn't reach my apex ;)

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Don't forget the notepad

When I was on the T today
My mind wrote lovely melodies
After being cramped and bored
I looked out at the sky
And words scrawled themselves across my mind
And out my ears onto the dirty floor
I affirmed I would remember, but now at home
I realized I was wrong

The boy's gotta be gay

You know the type
Too beautiful to like girls
Girls like me
When pretty's too pretty, boy's gotta be gay
He's got that short cropped hair
Got it all down
From the shirt to the shoes
Perfect shoes
Juicy full lips, still remember them now
The type to drive a girl wild, but doesn't bother

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Can't be censored

When you come back
Don't know if I will be here
I think you're coming back tomorrow
From that trip to Mexico
I know you won't look for me at my house
You live to far away
I know you won't call
We never know what to say
And, I doubt that you'll write
I think you've forgot how to type
I magnify the slightest inclination towards me
but, i really can't change the way I am
It causes people to run away,
but I don't want to censor myself
and I don't want to change
Hey, if you wanted me I'd still be here
but I know you I know you won't look for me at my house
You live to far away
I know you won't call
We never know what to say
And, I doubt that you'll write
I think you've forgot how to type
It hurts too much to try
If I don't hear from you, I won't try

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

How can they?

How can they?
Day after day?
How can I do it?
I'm tired
I don't want to do this
Yet I'm out there
What a terrible life
What a terrible chore it is
We've done it to ourselves, you know?
Created this economic system
If only
Back then
What seemed like innovation was seen for what it really is
A death trap

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


Well... I am no more closer to getting to know the J, and I am already miserable working. At least it is right by D+D and I can get my cappuccinos..... I really should start getting the skim, but the whole milk is so good! I don't want to be disappointed. Blah. Spending all day in an office and then coming home here at 6... it's already 11. Where the hell did 5 hours go? Bah, I want to quit and just hang out here at home :-\

I wish J and I were more alike or that I am as smart as he is or that he is less smart.... or less MITish. We are so mismatched and I feel as though I am the only one that wants to hookup. It sucks to be the wanton wanter and not the wantee.


Yay my best treasury yet

Follow here: Treasury

Monday, February 11, 2008


I'm a big box of cheap wine
Stacked amongst others in a lonely warehouse
We're up high, perched
Waiting to be picked up and poked open
I want to be spilled and I want to be drunk
I want to be flipped and I want to be thunked
Tired of the constant flourescent lights
They burn my cardboard and bother my spout
Starts to be caustic
Sparks start to fly


Given a bit of a bite
Makes the addict addicted once more
No matter how long they're off that smack
That hook will open the door
Needle in the arm
Equates as arrow through the heart

I was addicted for as long as I can remember
Thought I was cured way back in December
But now it's February and I'm leaving soon
Walking down the plank
Sliding down right off the moon

I can't stand where I'm at
Can't stand where I'm going
Can't stand to be here
My insides are showing


Ughhh so I went to therapy and Kathy wasn't there. She didn't call me either. Ugh, I actually had stuff to talk about. I don't want to do this temp job; I really don't... I'm just doing this so I can pay the rent and get my Mom off of my back. It's at a gym as well, which might be why I'm slightly against this/afraid.

Blech... work

Propelled by a force
To do what she wants
Going against all that I feel
To appease
Don't want to feel her rage
Don't want her to make me feel lazy
I just want to stay here
Don't want to go out there
Hate being in their world
Rather be in my microcosm
So I wish to the gods and all that there is
And wish to the fishes, from the hers' and the his'
Where I gather my courage, my pride and myself
And put all of the rest, in order on the shelf
To insulate with plastic with protection and pride
I wish I didn't have her on my side


I don't want to start this new job tomorrow fffffuuuucccckkkk. I hate working and commuting... and working and commuting. Not cool!

Yellow snow, is not the only kind of colored snow!

Second wind

All day, addicted
Typing, "talking"
Past 12 midnight
Is when I get my second wind
It's this dark time
This morning time when I want to stay way up
Accomplish all of the many things I neglected during the day
That's why I need you, yellow pills
Swallow down with a glass of the hydro 2 o
Then down down down
Feeling heavy
Feeling slow
Then down down down
Under that lazy, lovely, heavy blanket
I go


For so long, I didn't even think about it
Didn't even fantasize about you
Figured we were just friends, no attraction to me
Buried mine deep under an ex-friend's grave
As friends, that was one line we'd never cross
But her and I haven't spoken
Our friendship has long since decayed
And now I know that you'd get down
And that intoxicates me
Makes me want to get you close
Right here with me now

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Shut down

What did I do?
I'm trying to find you
What can I do?
To turn this off
I'm trying not to want you
Using logic turn off my heart
But I keep on trying
Picking up the phone and dialing
Never an answer
I know you're screening
I thought you ran hot, but your blood is just cold
Evidently, you don't want me

Yer the reason

Yer the reason I stayed up last night ready to spend $100 on s.t.
Yer the reason I am trying to not to look pathetic
Coming home to ton of old emails
And nothing new
Looking for something to keep my mind off you
But I don' want to be broke!
Why can't you just come through?
And call me? or write?
With just a whiff of possibility
My world is in a tail-spin
To know you want me is enough
to take me out of the bargain bin
Went to the super stop and shop
And saw all the balloons
The stuffed animals with hearts that sing too
Gets me depressed all in my belly
Wish when I called you picked up
Wished when I wrote you gave a fuck
I don't think we will ever hang out
Now that you know
Some twisted revenge
From old insults a new
Hope we will get together
Or our connection will sever


Musing on a boy

The tears well up in my eyes
Overcome with emotion
This weekend feeling
More than I have felt
For most of this year
I want to call you
But it's 1 AM
Afraid tomorrow
I won't hear a peep
I want to kiss you
But we've never touched
It's 1 AM
Afraid tomorrow
will be another day
of just another line in an email
I remember your full lips
I can see in my mind what I want you to do
Afraid if we do what we do
Afraid if we don't
I can't keep going this way

Sunday, February 3, 2008


My blog looks so messed up because I was trying to reformat the html and it got screwed up. Oh well.

I can't believe I have to go back to work again this week. This is absolute torture. I hate working with every fiber of my being.


Saturday, February 2, 2008


I'm trying to figure out how to make a damn background picture as my blog's background instead of a solid background color and I am still perplexed.